When it comes to making plans, anticipation is its own happiness

August 31 , 2022

This week’s issue of The Distance features an article from writer Jessica Goldstein, who takes a few moments to teach us one of the most important parts of making big plans for our futures: basking in the experience of anticipation itself.

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Now, here's Jessica:

I believe there ought to be some kind of Birthright-style program to send New Jersey expats like me back to the Garden State to see Bruce Springsteen in our homeland. Unfortunately, no such program exists, so I recently spent one very stressful morning in a virtual queue on Ticketmaster, waiting for the opportunity to spend too much money to see Bruce and the E Street Band play the Prudential Center in Newark.

When I made it through the line and managed to click on two seats before they disappeared out from under my mouse, the elation I felt was like a parody of joy, especially considering the show was still eight months away.

But in the time since my purchase, I’ve noticed something lovely and strange: The distance between the moment of ticket-acquisition and the event itself has not felt like some depressing, interminable stretch. Instead, I’ve found the lead-up to be its own kind of event. The mere promise of the concert has been giving off an ambient glow, lighting up the days and weeks and months leading up to it, as I plot what I will wear (Christopher Moltisanti novelty tee); strategize about transit with other Jersey psychos, some of whom are even following the tour for multiple nights (caravan along Route 78); and select which local delicacy I will feed to the out-of-town friend who will be accompanying me (the greatest eggplant parm on Earth).

Though we all know that having something to look forward to can improve our daily lives — and have felt, during quarantine, how much joy and pleasure evaporate from life when we don't have anything fun on the horizon — we often talk ourselves out of making plans for some distant date. We’re afraid to commit to something far in advance. Throughout the pandemic in particular, we’ve felt wary of assuming our escapades will unfold as planned.

But there's research to show that merely booking that flight or buying that concert ticket will make you happy — not just at the event itself but in the build-up to the event, and even after the fact.

“I think the biggest mistake that folks make when they think about vacation is thinking about it as something you only enjoy during the trip itself,” said Scott Keyes, founder of Scott’s Cheap Flights. “But when you drill down into the research, social scientists have done quite a few studies about the way people enjoy their vacation, and people say they get more joy from looking forward to a trip than they do on the trip itself.”

The biggest reason for this sort of counterintuitive reality: Nothing goes wrong in your daydreams. “When you’re thinking about that cafe where you’re going to meet Ethan Hawke,” he said (for all you Before Sunrise romantics out there), “there’s no waiter who takes an hour to bring your food out, or a bird who [makes a mess] on your shoulder. It’s all just perfect and magical.” Looking ahead to those moments, through the soft-focus filter of our fantasies, “is this constant gift that keeps on giving.”

That’s not to say the vacation isn’t also joy-giving while you’re on it, Keyes clarified. “It’s just that we report more joy looking forward to the trip than during the trip itself.”

Laurie Santos, the Yale cognitive scientist whose course on happiness (Psychology and the Good Life, also known by its online counterpart, the Science of Well-Being) is among the university’s most popular offerings, explained the science behind that feeling: It’s called “rosy prospection.”

“We get a lot of enjoyment just out of the fantasy part, the anticipation part,” Santos said. “And I think we shouldn’t be discounting the entertainment and the happiness value that the anticipation can bring.”

We also get more joy from looking back on the trip than we do while we’re on it, Keyes added, since everything that could go wrong on the trip — missed trains, language-barrier struggles, you name it — has already happened, and can now be transformed into humorous tales with which to regale your friends and loved ones. “It’s a great cocktail party anecdote [and] a character-building episode in your life.”

Research validating this has been around for a pretty long time: A study from 1997 on “the rosy view” evaluated “people’s anticipation of, actual experiences in, and subsequent recollection of meaningful life events: a trip to Europe, a Thanksgiving vacation, and a 3-week bicycle trip in California.” The results: “Expectations of personal events are more positive than their actual experience during the event itself, and their subsequent recollection of that event is more positive than the actual experience.”

So anticipation and memories make us happy. Travel also makes us happy, if not quite as much as the before and after. Knowing this, why are we so hesitant to book our trips?

“Our minds have really incorrect theories about the kinds of things that make us happy,” Santos said. When it comes to these experiences, “We assume anticipation will always feel bad, [that] we’re always going to be impatient and want something immediately. But the anticipation that comes from a really exciting event in the future, particularly a trip, can often feel really good.”

Santos’ advice: “Don’t discount the pleasure you can get from anticipation. It can be quite intense and important for our overall well being.”

Of course another reason we avoid investing in these types of experiences is that, often, they’re expensive — or at the very least, they take up resources we think we’d rather spend on immediately tangible items. But according to Santos, “There’s lots of evidence that experiences wind up making us happier than material purchases.” One such study, from 2011, titled “If money doesn’t make you happy, you probably aren’t spending it right,” lists eight principles “to help consumers get more happiness for their money.” Number one on the list: “buy more experiences and fewer material goods.”

As pandemic life remains so uncertain, with ongoing threats of unexpected closures and new virus variants, it's understandable that people might want to live cautiously and avoid committing to an international trip, a music festival, or even a party. But the science would tell you that your mental and emotional well-being will benefit from investing in your future happiness — even if, ultimately, you have to back out. (Just remember to get trip insurance.)

Consider this: How many times have you thought about committing to something potentially delightful in the future, only to avoid RSVPing or delay buying the ticket until it’s too late? Your fear: What if something better comes along, and then I can’t do that better thing because I’m already going on this trip? Or, conversely: What if something terrible happens that makes me wish I hadn’t committed to this plan?

“There’s always the possibility that between now and then, something better will pop up: that date, that concert [in the city where you live],” Keyes went on. “But then think about yourself five, ten, forty years from now: Are you going to regret having taken that trip?... Absolutely not! ... [That’s why] taking a more long-term view of regret is pretty key when you’re thinking about making travel plans.”

Keyes recommends taking that longer view in order to push yourself out of that zone of doing nothing and going nowhere. He cited a 2016 study on “intense regrets” whose take home, he said, is “actions produce greater regret in the short term, whereas inaction — the trips you didn’t take — generate much more regret in the long run.”

Jessica Goldstein (@jessicagolds on Twitter) is a freelance writer based in Washington, DC. She is a contributing editor to Washingtonian and a contributing writer to the Washington Post’s Arts & Style section and Magazine.

Questions We're Asking:

• What methods or strategies do you have for making plans, so that you’re able to maximize your enjoyment of the build-up and anticipation?

• What about after-the-fact? How do you ensure you remember and enjoy an experience after it’s over?

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What you're saying:

Last week’s article by Jenna Amatulli explored how living through a financial crisis can impact us for years to come, beyond some of the more obvious, monetary effects. That idea struck a chord for some Distance readers who wanted to share their own thoughts and experiences. Here are a couple replies:

Christopher Morel: “As a millennial, I’ve experienced many financial stress points, including the Great Recession and, more recently, the impacts of the pandemic. One thing I've learned is that it’s best to have multiple streams of income. In recent years, I think many people, including myself, have returned to the gig economy to stabilize our incomes. I never thought I’d have to be a delivery driver again — I always saw it as a job you have in college or as a teenager — but, hey, it’s definitely helped me. I also got my license as a notary public, and I’ve tried drop shipping. Today, I actually have more income streams than before the pandemic. Yes, it was painful getting furloughed when Covid struck, and then ultimately laid off, but now I’ve learned the value of multiple income streams.”

Christian Tarrasch: “Growing up I never thought of my family as poor, but I think my parents lied about how much money we really had — sometimes it felt like we were poor. I was never really spoiled as a child — nor did I necessarily want to be spoiled — but there was always a small part deep inside me that secretly wished I had everything my wealthier friends had. So, today, I always make it a priority to “spoil” others. It’s something I love doing, in part because it makes others happy, in part because I know it’s something my younger self would have wanted.”

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